A BloodLetter Day !

I wrote about friendship many times. Do we get hurt in friendships? Yes, sometimes we do. When our close friends hurt us, it goes deep. And what do we do when we finds that we have hurt one of our friends? We might say sorry. That’s all? Then I have a different story to tell.

There was a guy and he had a friend, a girl. He considered her as his best friend. But he wasn’t sure whether this girl considers him as her best friend. But she never told the other way and she liked him.

This guy was working in a factory as an accountant when this incident happened. He did not like that environment. It was noisy and dusty and yes, there were mosquitoes too. The girl was doing her pharmacy diploma.

Though this guy was an accountant, he was good at science. So, when this girl was absent in the college, she used to bring somebody’s notes and used to ask this guy to copy it for her. Or some notes related work. This girl was an active Christian community worker and a good singer with a Gospel singing troupe.

One day this guy had a bad day at work. He came back home in a bad mood with a head ache and there she comes. Usually her presence was helpful to ease his mind, but not that day. She came with a bunch of books and gave it to him and asked him to copy. But he asked:

“What do you think of me?, your servant?”

Girl became very sad, tears came out of her eyes, yes she cried.

“I am going” she said

He did not say anything in reply, but he wished she stayed for a while more. But she left.

This guy became very sad. And there came this guilty feeling for hurting her. What can he do now? Many a times he had crazy ideas. Once he wrote a total nonsense story on the side of a birthday greeting card and gave it to that girl’s sister, which made the whole family laugh.

But this is not a time for a story. And there is this guilty feeling. He hurt his best friend, so the apology also should be best. He thought of writing a letter saying sorry.

He took a piece of paper, a pen which had no ink and a razor blade. He cut his finger with the blade, dipped the pen in the blood and wrote a ‘bloody’ apology. It started like this :

"I am writing this with my blood......"

And he posted it instead of handing it directly over to her.

They weren’t seeing each other for days. And one day he saw she rushing to his door. She did not enter his house but stood outside, on the road (house was adjacent to road) and asked him.

“Why did you do that? You know what happened? I was in the college when the post came. Mummy received the post and she thought it was from the community, since the envelope you used was very much similar to the one we used to get from my community.”

He stood thunderstruck. She added;

“Mummy asked me to not to come to your house”

“OK, I will talk to mummy”, he said. He also used to address that lady as mummy.

“Noooo”

“Yes, I need to explain to her….ok, I will write another letter and you give that to mummy, ok? Come tomorrow” he said

He wrote another letter to mummy explaining how his day was at work and how he felt guilty when he made her daughter cry. And yes, he was good at writing letters.

Finally the letter reaches mummy. The next day, he met mummy on the road. From a long distance itself they exchanged a smile.

“Mummy!, is everything clear now?’ he asked and she said;

“Yes”

They both smiled, a kind of a smile!!!!

‘G’, where are you?

My 100th Post!!

What to say?

Jai Guru Dev!!!

God bless you!!!

Show Your Face!

One difference between animals and humans are ‘faces’. We humans have multiple faces hidden within us. Many a times we pretend. When we pretend we are hiding the ‘that time’ true face with a mask. Anybody seen a dog showing faces? Pretending? Nope.

Thus we might have showed/worn so many faces in our life. But most of us won’t take any effort to look back into the faces we have/had/made. We see the world through two eyes. But these eyes don’t see each other (set aside the mirror). Though not in the same way, but in a similar way, these faces don’t see each other. Or may be we ourselves might not see these faces, together.

So, can’t we ever see them? And what happens when we see all our faces?

We see them when we go deep within us and reach closer to our Self. We meet all of them together. There these faces lose its identity and you will remain as the Self.

My Best Friend!!

I forgot to add one more topic that I happened to discuss last week – Best friend (and yes a little about boy friend too).

When I got asked ‘who is your best friend in real?’, I wasn’t able to give an immediate answer, though one name jumped into my mind...

It was like this, a friend of mine talks about being sad and I give a suggestion to talk to her best friend. Then comes the answer that, this person doesn’t have any best friend. It wasn’t a shock for me, but I actually thought she might have one, since she had lots of friends.

She never felt the need for having a best friend…Now one thing is becoming more clearer. Many people in this world don’t understand friendship or may be the need for a friendship. Many of then never got any chance to think in that direction since they always had many people around them. May be they gets acquainted with many people and they call them as friends.

Then why I wasn’t able to answer? Her question was ‘who is your best friend in real?’…Yes, in real…

As I have written somewhere, sometime ago, a best friend is a friend with whom we are most comfortable with. And the practical reality is that there is no point in having a 'one- way best friend' relation and calling him/her as your best friend.

Why?

One might be comfortable with the other and what about the other person? What if he/she is not comfortable in the same way? Within this ‘comfort’ level comes the likeness or love , trust, care, understanding etc.

So, I said, ‘look, presently, what I have around me are virtual friends’.

But though I said that, I thought at least some of my virtual friends might be happy to meet me in person.

Today that thought came again in my mind for a recheck…

Does it mean that virtual friends can’t be best friends?

I still haven’t lost my hope.

Another Week Gone!

There goes one more week. Sometimes it looks like the time flies. These days I am not putting much effort to keep my blog very alive. This happened coz, I put my effort on brushing up some of my software lessons, added some more applications to my software collections(this again required some research), took some personal time to help some of my friends who faced some computer related issues, spend some time with my net friends….(these are the things that came into my mind).

I talked/listened to about many things, like computer (related), marriage, number of kids we need to have, pregnancy and family planning methods, circumcision, reading habits, migration to Canada, etc ….

But there was one thing (other than software) which came repeatedly in many conversations, Religion.

It gave an idea about how people are ‘bound’ by religion. Some of them can’t put nail polish since their religion doesn’t permit it. Some of them are not permitted to use condoms, some of the are not allowed to abort an unwanted pregnancy, some of them are not permitted to use any birth control methods….and most interestingly, someone said ‘ premarital sex is considered as a mortal sin in our community’, which was very interesting (coz, that person’s country is world’s one of the top sex tourism place; a country where lots of pre marital pregnancy happens, where abt 23% (as per 2004 survey of UNESCO – youth aged between 15 to 24 years) of the young indulge in sex before marriage and where this person’s religion has an 80- 85% domination among the population!!!!)

Some people use religious beliefs very 'conveniently'.

I am happy that I gave enough logic/moral support to one of my friends to go ahead with a birth control method. These days, brining up a child is not easy but very expensive. And being a parent has the responsibility to give good/best education and other amenities to our child. If we ‘produce’ children like dogs or pigs, just coz religion doesn’t allow us to do a birth control, will the religions fund the education? Will the religion fund all the upbringing cost? Nope. And the notable part is, the attitude of the people and government in developed countries are different. We need to have a modern view.

Yes, in olden days, among farmer families, they had many children. This was mainly to avail cheaper labor by using the children (I dont mean kids) to help them. Education wasn’t a big issue then.

Religion and its scriptures should help humans to ‘open the eyes’ and not to put a blind.

An Ancient Friendship!

There are lots of friendship stories in Indian mythologies. They might not be just stories for stories. Like the one I am going to tell.

This is from Krishna’s life. When he was a student (Those days it was the Gurukula system, the olden day boarding school system where the student lives with the Guru-teacher- till he finishes his learning), he had a buddy called Kuchela. They both were from extremely opposite financial background.

When the studies were over, they part. Krishna becomes the King and Kuchela lives in poverty. His wife used to tell him

‘ The King is your friend, why don’t you go to him and ask for help?’

But Kuchela always had a hesitation, or may be he had a complex. How can he visit his friend - who is the King lives in luxury and wears the best – wearing his torn dress? And he wished to give him some present, but he had nothing.

But finally, Kuchela decided to visit Krishna. There went thousand thoughts inside his mind….will Krishna identify him? What if he ignores him? What if he cant get through the guards and meet Krishna?.......

He told his wife that he want to carry something as gift. There weren’t anything valuable left in that house and his wife made puffed/beaten rice out of some grains left in the house. Next day morning, Kuchela went to the palace. But he had a guilty feeling for taking that beaten rice with him as a gift to the King, who eats all the delicious dish. What if he won’t eat? What if he thorough it out?

When he reached the palace, Krishna was looking out through one of the windows and he saw Kuchela.

What did he do? Did let him in? Did he avoid him coz he was poor and dressed like a beggar? Was he ashamed of admitting such a man as his friend, that too openly? Or did he allow him to enter the palace and show his face (while Krishna sitting in the throne) ?

Krishna ran out of the palace in ecstasy and as soon as he met him he hugged him, though Kuchela was all sweaty. And Krishna grabbed the shabby pack of puffed rice and ate it just in front of him, standing where he was. Tears of happiness came out of Kuchela’s eyes.

(And of course, the King helped his childhood friend)

How beautiful friendships are, isn’t it?

A Week Ago

No posts for many days….huhuhu

This doesn’t mean that nothing happened or my brain is dead. I was after many other things which included downloading some software and exploring them and reading some books. Well, I wasted a lot of time also, but sometimes it happens in our life, not being productive. In between, there were cricket matches played between India and Pakistan (India won the series though one more match is left, with a lead of 3-1 in the 5 match one day series).

One of my friends fell ill during this period. But she escaped from a near pneumonia. So, it’s a mixed feeling leaving a relief as the final output.

Me as well as my country got teased by some of my friends. I even had a friend who believed we Indians don’t have toilets at home! Another person did not believe that I live in 11th floor (coz she thinks there are no high rise buildings in India!!!). Then I thought of writing something about India. That blog got written only in my mind.

A Christian friend justified drinking alcoholic beverages. Then I thought about Jesus. I never heard that he ever was drunk. I have read another interesting thing about the wine Jesus made, when he performed his first miracle - some scholars said it wasn’t fermented wine.

For the first time, somebody did not laugh at my arranged marriage. But it even brought that person think about how Isaac and Rebecca got married. And even agreed with me when I said – as per Bible, love starts after marriage and not ‘first you love and then you marry’. This was a surprise thing happed during these period.

I read the ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’, during this period. This is one of the books which many people consider as their favorite one, in my friendship/social network portal. But after reading this book, I really wondered why or what aspect those people found interesting in this book, since it had multiple dimensions and I had some idea about many of them (who like this book). I might write about this book later.

It was Deepavali festival during this period. And I was greeted by some of my (non Indian) friends which was a real surprise for me.

I happened to think about the gender of God. I could not convert those thoughts into typed words. But I will be writing about it, very soon.

There also was a leading-to-nowhere discussion about vegetarianism, rebirth and organ donation. We were at the opposite sides minus the friendship. Me a veg, doesn’t object the re-birth theory, and don’t have any problem in donating organs. And at the other end it was a person who had the opposite views.

Somebody (our acquaintance) asks lot of things about you. Does it show the person’s concern/love/friendship/care for you?

Well, sometimes it can be mere curiosity. Yup, this was one of the thoughts that revisited me this week

Jonathan Livingston Seagull

Long ago, I used to write Book Reviews in an (well known) online store portal. And I wasn’t a blogger that time. I thought I will post (repost?) a couple of them here in this blog.

I will start with a the book ‘Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach. I felt like adding some more , but I didnt...

Find that perfection, May 20, 2005

First published in 1973 and still people reads it. And that tells it. You might get a glimpse of Jesus in this book...This book teaches:

- Don't think that you are limited
- Don't give up - Love ` your flock'
- Don't just try but feel
- don't just try to find who you are but understand that you are that " ....you must begin by knowing that you have already arrived.."

- The real question of why are we here...

" do you have any idea how many lives we must have gone through before we even got the first idea that there is more to life than eating, or fighting, or power in the Flock? A thousand lives."

" ...and another hundred again to get the idea that our purpose for living is to find that perfection and show it forth"

Not just that, I just mentioned a few.

I personally love photography; I own two good cameras too. But do we really need this much of gull photos in this book just to add more pages and price? Yes, it holds some values and you will like reading this book. (If your likeness is Biology, don't choose Trigonometry to avoid disappointment)

Science and Spirituality

We stand at a neutral level, when we are at a ‘nothing doing’ state. We, being human, we can look outwards as well as inwards. You see unknown things/mysteries at both ways. When we go deeper and deeper into the external mysteries it becomes science. When we go deeper and deeper into our self, it is spirituality. So, science and spirituality goes hand in hand and not the other way.

Everything Has Its TIME !

A friend of mine told me she will kill me…. In another context I said about buddy time and death.

But it was always as a joke. Death was one thing I happened to think about this week. So what is the serious part in it?

When I took up the Bible lessons, they mostly dealt with New Testament. But since the Bible I bought was a complete one (there are many communities which distribute only New Testament and I had a couple of such versions), I was bit curious about the Old Testament. And I had this thought of ‘how can Bible be complete without Genesis?’ I should have asked this to my then best friend who believed only in New Testament (and considered the Pope as antichrist!). I don’t know why I did not ask…Why? Why? Why?

One of my favorite from Old Testament is Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 which reads as follows:

To everything there is a season,
A time to every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born, and
A time to die;
A time to plant, and
A time to pluck
What is planted;

A time to kill, and
A time to heal;
A time to break down, and
A time to build up;

A time to weep, and
A time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and
A time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and
A time to gather stones;
A time to embrace, and
A time to refrain from embracing;

A time to gain, and
A time to lose;
A time to keep, and
A time to throw away;

A time to tear, and
A time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and
A time to speak;

A time to love, and
A time to hate;
A time of war; and
A time of peace.


So there is a time to die. This thought brought me to another place. Where there is Time and where there is Death. This is from one of the stories from India.

Maharishi (great sage) Vyasa (it is he who divided the Vedas into four) had a devoted pupil. One day he decided to reward him and hence asked

“What do you want?”

“I just want to know when I will die” said the pupil

Vyasa got surprised by his student’s wish and he said

“I will take you to the Lord of Death and you ask this directly to him”

Thus they went to the Lord of the Death, Yama.

But Yama too got surprised by his wish and said:

“I am sorry, It is true that I take away life but it is not me who decides when to do that. I am informed by Lord of the Causes.”

So, they all went to the Lord of Causes and asked the question. He said :

“I too am sorry and it is Lord of Time that tells me and so, we better go to him and ask”

All the time the disciple was last of the retinue since others were highly respected ones.

So, they all went together to meet the Lord of Time, Kal Purush. Lord of Causes told him why they came there.

“Where is the disciple?” asked Kal Purush

They all looked behind and the disciple was missing and found dead at the door step.

So, they asked for an explanation

“It was fated that when he brings all of you here, he will die!!” said Lord of Time…….


Anyway, I don’t think I will die just after posting this blog !!

Love and Lust

Love ................................Lust

Sacrifice ...................................Hold
Unselfish .................................Selfish
Subjective................................Objective
Delivers ...................................Demands
Leeds to solace .......................Leeds to suffering
Compassion .............................Contempt
Divine .....................................Human

Recurrent Aphthous Stomatitis - RAS

For the past couple of days, I was nursing a mouth ulcer. So this mail came into my mind. This I wrote one year ago to somebody.

*****

Hi <>

.................................

I used to get it frequently (ie, RAS, Recurrent Aphthous Stomatitis), but not these days. Though you asked what I do, actually, it doesn't matter what I do since the cause ( and hence the tretment) is different. Since I had/get this condition, I read a lot (abt most of the ulcers) and hence can provide some useful info. There is no single cause for this. Many people might have their own trigger for this, apart from the physical trauma. Like, in many women hormonal change, in some pple, change or tooth paste, in some vitamin deficiency ( Folic acid or B12 or Iron, usually), sudden stress, allergy to gluten ( a protein present in wheat etc)………

As on today, nobody knows what the exact cause of mouth ulcer is. There are some indirect causes like brush abrasion, accident bites etc which are called the physical trauma (in my case this biting is the main culprit these days). You can find out many many other reasons like these. If physical trauma is not the cause, in your case, then there is something to do with what you eat and drink. Many scientists believe that it has something to do with over reaction of our own body's immune system, in some people like you and me (and not some one like Latha.) From my past 30 years of observation, I observed that it has also something do with your stomach/ bowl movement. Constipation can lead to ulcer and when there is ulcer it again leads to constipation (since we hesitate to take enough fluids, I think).So, make sure that you have a clean stomach during the ulcer period. For me, it also helps reduce the pain.

In my case, since I wasn't the person who cooks, or had a say on it , there wasn't any control over it. Many a times there weren't any choice (don't ask me why). So, avoid spicy food and acidic fruits. In some pple, taking milk helps (not for me), eat lots of greens (try avoiding papaya, and tomato, if you are regular with it), I use the Smyle mouth ulcer gel. At night, clean the ulcer and wash your mouth with any antiseptic mouth wash ( I use Listerine ). Washing with aspirin also helps, but better use some antiseptic. Though we won't feel like drinking water, drink lots of water. Never take any pepsi/coke stuff. Acidic food is best avoided during these period but somebody told me (when I was in a medical chat room, long ago) less diluted lemon juice helps . Never tried it. You can try folic acid tabs (if you go to a doc, then also he/she need to do some trials to find out the cause), if lack of that is the cause, it will fasten the healing process. I have tried that and as of now, I don't remember whether it was useful for me or not. And a veg diet is best for these period (avoid even egg, this was one of my earlier doc's advice)

And finally, there are many medicines available these days (including some injections which can heal the ulcer within 72 hours – but don't use). Since you are working and this ulcer and pain can even affect your mood, you can even consult a doc, if the pain is very severe.

Rgds

Friendly Religion!

Yesterday I was sitting in a ‘happinessless’ mood. But I wasn’t sad. May be I missed somebody. That won’t make you sad coz it’s a different feeling. Then came a call from a friend of mine who lives in a different place (abt 1000 km away). We know each other since 24 years and I became a lil happy that he called me up. It was very odd time and hence I thought something might be wrong. But he said he is in a train and it’s yet to move and thought he just call me. Thanks you pal.

Day before yesterday, another friend called me up from one icy and frosty place (he is a soldier) to update me on certain things. We are friends since 32 years.

So it was a mixture of things - whether getting updated or losing the updates and getting missed, but it had something in common – friends

What is special about today? I did not see anything particularly special. Many cells in my body might have died and new one might have born. I became one more day older and I am one more day closer to death.

But today I once again thought about friends.

How long a friendship lasts?

One of my friends, who also is a blogger, observes that friends move together and then part. And she says the maturity is not getting panic when our friend(s) moves away from us. She even compares friendship with plants – it can die…..period of intimacy, withdrawal, distance… she gives many such nice observations.

Why am I telling this? I saw a friendship happening and dying on the same day. The ‘friendship’ lasted only a few minutes, may be….. I don’t know the exact reason why it died but religion can be one of the reasons.

May be for some people even religion matters in a friendship. Most of my friends are followers of this person’s religion. This was the first experience of this kind. I believe friendship is beyond religion. Religion is something personal. And believing that God is partial to a particular religious sect is absolute nonsense.

I used to spend the whole day in a church with a Christian friend of mine during Good Friday service. Nothing happened to me or my/his religion. I had food from the church and it did not create any indigestion but it was more enjoyable since I was having it with my friend.

Christmas is on its way and how I wish I could spend that with a (particular) Christian friend of mine, this year.

I was talking about my day…. Yes, by 4 O’clock in the evening, I was expecting my son back from school. He used to come between 3.55 and 4. It became 4.05…4.10….4.15… then I started getting worried. I called up his friend who used to come in the same bus. Nobody picked up the phone. I called another friend of his and her parent said she reached home in time. Then I called up his school. Nobody picked the phone. Then I called my wife and informed about the situation. She tried her level best to contact whoever she knows like the parent of one of his (son’s) friends, the in-charge of the school bus, school…. And she became a lil panic. I could make out the shiver in her voice (she was in a bus on her way home from office)…….. Son reached home one hour late due to some unexpected problems with school bus schedule

In such situations we are prone to think ‘bad’ possibilities. I did not become panic, but I became too silly for a moment and thought of sending one txt to one of my friends and ask to pray (who lives thousands of miles away and believes in a different religion!!)….

My thought might have been silly, but what I believe is there are friends who stand with us when we are in need of them, irrespective of what religion both believes in.

The Truth !

Hmmm, OK, let it be a story this time


Once there were some truth seekers. They were very regular in attending all the ceremonies and related things that happened in heir place of worship. One day they were coming after attending such an activity. They saw one old lady searching for something outside her house. So, they asked her:

“What are you looking for?”

“I lost my needle” , replied the old lady

They joined in the search and finally found nothing.

“The needle is not here, where did you lose it” , one of them asked.

“I lost it inside my house” said old lady

“Then you should look inside your house and not outside” said another.

“It is dark inside, so I am searching outside”

They all laughed at her loudly.

“Children, you are also doing the same thing, what you are searching is not outside, you too need to look inside” replied the old women.



So?

Let Me Praise

You had told me that
The journey won’t be effortless
You had told me that
I should not give up
You had told me that
You will be there with me, always

I thought you left me
I thought you gave up

I got engrossed by the wonderful garden
You said we still have long way to go
I waked here I walked there
And I thought I lost you, you left me

I got fascinated by the mountains
The dew and oceans
I wandered here I wandered there
And I thought I lost you, you left me

When I was about to fall
You held me up
When I was to got washed away
You took me on your shoulder




How can you be this patient?
How can you be this loving?

When I realized it was me
Who walked away
Who left you ; I felt guilty
But you patted me on my back

When I realized
You were always waiting for me
Patiently ; I felt guilty
You smiled at me with glory

Thank you for always being there
Thank you for keeping the promise
Thank you for always waiting for me
Let me praise your name again

Sexy Migraine!

Well, first of all, thanks Michael for the comment. I was in a fix on where to start from… Should I explain the male sex process or not…. Should I explain the common myths in this connection or not….should I explain the major difference between male and female orgasm, ejaculation or not…..etc etc ….. Am still in the fix.

Please understand that most of the men around us wont even accept the fact that there is fatigue in connection with sex, where as it’s a reality we both know being men. Please remember that I used the word ‘too much sex’. And I had a reason.

Most of the information you might get in connection with this subject might be western thoughts. But East had clear idea on this subject than the west and hence we have the Tantric and Taoistic thoughts (out of scope of migraine). So understand that male sex involves lots (loss) of Vital Energy also.( And there are ways to improve the energy levels too).

(West is gifted with science and East with religion and spirituality.. All we need to do is respect each other’s knowledge and thus it complements. Creator sees this place as a single thing and not as many continents or countries. Its all our ego that limits)

My answer, for the time being, is : please understand that neurotransmitters, including Serotonin, are heavily involved in sex.

Most of male are ignorant about the scientific understanding of his genitals and its function. The very best example is people believing both orgasm and ejaculation are just the same, in case of a male. So, if one say that one felt tired after sex, one might even get an answer that its just psychological. Semen is not just a liquid carrying some sperms. It contains so many other things (like citric acid, amino acids, fructose, enzymes, phosphorylcholine, prostaglandin, potassium, zinc, water, calcium, chlorine, magnesium, vitamin B12…… etc etc etc )Through the sperms, part of ‘you’ goes. Don’t forget that it is part of another ‘creation’ process which needs energy.

I remember one incident. When I consulted a doc (for my headache), and when he came to know that I was a bachelor that time, he suggested me to get married. But I asked him, why he suggested that since from a physiological/biological point of view, we don’t need a women to fulfill our sexual urge. Then he answered me that he did not mean the ‘only sex’ part, but I might get a companion and thus I can unload some of my stress by talking to her, discussing with her etc. (well, it can swing the other way also, but lets be optimistic)

So, that is one reason for this belief. Somebody might have suggested a marriage and he might have something in his mind. For many people, when they hear ‘get married’ first thing that comes into their mind is sex. Where as that is not the case.

By telling this, please understand that I did not tell normal sex will cause migraine. I did not try to explain the sex process. I just tell you that neurotransmitters plays a role in both cases and that is one of the the logics behind it.

Easy way to practically experience this logic is having sex/ejaculating when there is migraine and see the effect.

If you have any specific doubt regarding this/want more clarification on what I wrote, please feel free to mail me and I will be happy to give you a personal reply.

Migraine

I don’t remember exactly when I developed my first headache; it started during childhood. But I was about 25 when my headache officially got confirmed by a Neurologist as Migraine.

I used to read a lot of science including medical stuffs/headache related and hence I knew that it was migraine. But I never consulted a doc for treating my headache till I visited that Neurologist. After that I did see some. During childhood, nobody cared to take me to a doc when I had headache.

So, what is migraine? It is the most popular headache in this world. The rich, poor, doctors, teachers, students, musicians, athletes, …..all types of people from all over the world are put up with it. About 30 million people in the U.S suffer from it (no idea whether such a statistics available for my country) with women being affected three times more than men.

I read somewhere it is a neurological disease. And don’t agree to that. It is not a disease but a defect. There are lots of theories behind it but no one knows what exactly is the cause and cure, since there are so many causes and so far no cure available.

But it is good that day by day new and new research is happening and we get some results. If the research is carried out by some pharmaceutical company, they come out with some new drug….If it is sponsored by some other body, the result might show the color of that body. And if it is carried out by some genuine body out of humanitarian grounds, well, it might come out with some facts behind it.

My mom was the first migraineur I happened to see. I spent a lot of time in my life trying to observe, study, and understand this headache….not from a medical point of view. I had taken Allopathic and Homoeopathic medicines.

Some doctors gave me false assurance that migraine can be cured and thus I took lots of medicine for it. Under that neurologist, I took so many drugs for about six months continuously and then it went up to one year. And finally I realized that I wasted all that money and time. But during that treatment period, there weren’t much migraine attacks since my doc’s approach was preventing migraine.

What is migraine again?

Migraine is classified under vascular headache. And it has a lot to do with the dilation and constriction of blood vessels in our head. When these vessels enlarges (usually till to a point where it can not stretch any longer) beyond normality, we get migraine.

Migraine can be broadly classified into two, viz,

Migraine with Aura : Sufferers gets a visual indication like blurred/double vision, golden flies etc before an episode.

Migraine without Aura : Most common. No visual indication. I belong to this group

There are some other variations of migraine. But I don’t know anybody suffering from that (I personally know at least 7 people with migraine). Though I have read about Basilar Type Migraine which can even be fatal, never heard about somebody died of migraine.

Migraine is mostly one sided headache, not always. Sometimes it starts from the eyes/temple and spreads back. Migraine gives a pulsating/throbbing headache and nausea. Gets aggravated by physical movement/activity, light (especially florescent) and sound – photophobia and phonophobia. Some times we might feel vertigo. I prefer to crash out in a dark room. Sometimes sitting position gives a better feeling than lying down. May be coz of less flow of blood to head. In general migraine has a family history/hereditary.

What causes all this? Why all people are not facing this problem? Why only some?

It is due to chemical imbalance in our brain/body.

There are some chemicals in our body that help communication between nerves. These chemicals are known as Neurotransmitters. It is said that, the imbalance of neurotransmitters is the cause of migraine.

I read somewhere that in some people, the number of neurotransmitter receptors is more and hence it creates another type of imbalance in such people which is the cause for migraine in them.

The most important neurotransmitters of the Central Nervous System (CNS) in connection with migraine are Serotonin and Norepinephrine. These chemicals have a role in controlling the size of the blood vessels, apart from other functions.

So, migraineurs need more of these chemicals. For that the best option is eating well than popping a pill. That is why at least some doctors think in this direction at least in the U.S. and west. Some even came out with patented nutritional supplements for this purpose. I think it won’t become popular till some pharma giant starts producing it.

If it is these neurotransmitters that cause all these problems, why some get migraine when they eat particular food?

There are lots of things which can cause a chemical imbalance in our body. Number one is food allergy. Then toxic waste within our body, internal inflammation, poor absorption of nutrients, poor metabolism, food/chemicals that can deplete the level of these neurotransmitters etc etc…..

So, a bad/not so healthy stomach is one of the reasons, stress is another big reason which produces stress hormones and there by causing an imbalance. Physical exertion including too much sex (in male), mental exertion and stress, and lots of similar stuffs can cause a chemical imbalance.

Hormonal change during menstrual period is another reason for migraine in females.

We need to provide enough nutrients so that brain can produce enough of these chemicals, by eating properly and wisely. This means avoiding those foods which can trigger a migraine and including those foods which can help in the production of these chemicals.


Main Trigger Factors

Food allergy and sensitivity towards certain food and chemicals
Dehydration
Irregular eating time/ missing a meal
Change in sleep-wake cycle
Too much sleep and lack of sleep
Loud sound
Too much exposure to sun
Inhalation of some chemicals and smells (like paint), which are serotonin depleting and vaso-constrictive.
Bowl problems
Hormone change
Cold or Sinusitis
Change in blood sugar level
Malnutrition (especially magnesium deficiency)
Change in atmospheric pressure / stormy weather condition
Anxiety/stress/physical excretion/too much sex

Prevention

Avoid food that already gave you enough migraine (need to observe – keep a food diary)
Eat balanced food with enough nutrients/ take supplement
Exercise regularly but moderately
Practice yoga/meditation or some breathing technique to control stress (and there by stress hormones). - I have personally benefited by this
It is said that cold water shower/head bath helps (not when there is a headache, but otherwise)

There are lots of drugs available. That is beyond the scope of this blog.

Food to avoid

Have an eye on what you eat. If you noticed that a particular food gave you migraine many times, avoid it. Or better note down the food you suspect and talk to your doc.

Here are some proven trigger foods, in many people.

Red Wine
Monosodium Glutamate or MSG
Cheese
Chocolate
Nuts – especially peanut
Over ripened fruits
Tobacco
Fermented food
Alcoholic drinks (beer included)
Very strong coffee

There is a very loooooooooooooooooong list that can scare and we might think ‘ oh, then what will I eat?’ . No need to panic. Just avoid the ones that already gave migraine, coz, most of the time, it depends on person to person.

Eating a few peanuts never gives me a migraine, for example. And eating lot if it gave migraine many times. Sometimes food had indirect effect. That is, we might get indigestion, the food waste gets fermented and thus releases toxins.


Food to include

An Apple keeps ……. Yes, fresh apple is good for you, including pineapple
A couple of almonds per day
Banana, carrot
Beef, Pork, Chicken, lamb, liver – eat fresh
Watermelon, cucumber
Oats, dates, barley, corn
Milk - if you are not allergic
Pears, sweet potato, spinach
Broccoli and cabbage, Lettuce
Brown rice
Fresh lobster and mackerel

This also is a long list.

There are some food supplement available in many countries like U.S. (not in India) which are targeted for migraineurs. It mainly contains:

Vit-C, Niacin, Vit-B6, Magnesium, Folic Acid, Calcium, Copper and some ‘proprietary blend’

My personal experience

When I was under migraine specific drugs like ergotamine, things became worst after every attack. Migraine became more and more strong. And my present doc straightaway asked me to stop that, who understands migraine well because he too used to get it.

What helped me to control my migraine is regular exercise, drinking adequate water, avoiding some specific trigger foods, and then a wonderful breathing technique called ‘Sudarshan Kriya’.

If I break rules, sometimes I get a migraine. But now, things are under better control.

Conclusion

Migraine is a vascular headache, meaning, a headache caused by the enlargement of blood vessels in our head. This happens because of the imbalance of neurotransmitters like Serotonin and Norepinephrine.

And finally the disclaimer part, I just shared some of my experience, thoughts and what I read about migraine. This is not an authentic/medical article on migraine.

It is always better to consult your doc than treating all by yourself !!!

OldMan and the Moon

October -11-2007

Oldman did not sleep well yesterday night. So he was very tired the whole day. He looked at his wish list for that day. He was having a strange wish list. He did not know when the items in the list will change. He read the first two things from the list

Hummer – 2 nos
Air ticket to Greece – 4 to 5
…
…
…

He checked his wallet and bank accounts and sighed. Then he kept his head ahead and smiled. He remembered a Gospel “ Nothing is impossible for God”.

Then he went to gym. He thought he need to keep fit to take delivery of a sports utility vehicle. He wore a tight T-shirt and entered the gym. There were many young guys. They looked at his fit looking body. Old man did not know whether they drooled or not. But he told them:

“Sons, if you want to keep young, be young at heart. For that you need the company of young people. Not just young but young and active people, who can dance sing, jump, climb artificial wall, play badminton, swim, moon gaze….”

“What? Moon gaze? You mean star gaze?” asked one of them

“Yes son, its moon gazing… moon gazing is very good for keeping young. Moon is astrologically connected to our mind and those who are connected to moon are dreamers.. Dreamers can at least dream that they are young even when they are getting older…gotcha?”

“But we already are young…” another one

“Then you grow old and get the company of young ones….pssssst, son, don’t tell this to anybody”

“Thanks” they all replied.

Oldman finished his workout and he felt really good. He went out and walked a little….some thoughts flashed in his mind and he became happy.

He thanked God and then he thanked his friends and he said to himself “This is not the time to think about death……Good Night”

The night became good!!! There came lots of stars in the sky...and the moon too!!!

Open Sesame !!

Q: Which is the most difficult thing to open?

A: Closed minds and hearts.

Right Time!

It is said that there is no wrong time for doing a right thing. If one feels like doing a right (right and wrong are relative, I know, I use the word ‘right’ in a generally/socially/rationally accepted way) thing, just do it now. If one thinks over it again and again, who knows what will happen?

There is a good example/story in Mahabharata.

Karna is known for his generosity. One day, while he was taking bath, a man from a priestly family asked for alms. He was holding a vessel in his left hand (since he was a king, it must be expensive) and he gave that to the man.

In India, one is not supposed to do that with his left hand, that too a King. The man got surprised and asked why he did that. Then Karna said :

“By the time I bring it to my right hand, what if I lose the intention of giving?”

The End….

Dr.Jay's Successful Disappointment !

What do I wanted to become in my life? Yes, my profession…

Forget about childhood days. If there is nobody to guide and we are not exceptional, there might come so many options, as a child…

In this regard, here, in India, we need to have an idea once we clear the 10th grade. And according that one need to choose ones 11th grade then take the entrance exams for higher studies etc.

I wasn’t an outstanding student, though I came within the first 2-3-4 ranks in my class. That just happened because other students weren’t good at studies (There was class strength of 40-50 students). But I was a ‘first class’ student from first grade.

One of my uncles (my dad’s eldest brother) wished to ‘make’ his children (three) a doctor. He had enough money to support the studies. But his daughters did not study well. Since I was the one who successfully came out with first class from the start, he was interested in me. And science was my favorite subject. Sometimes I even scored a 90% in science, not always. This I achieved without exceptional brains or any support from my family, friends or teachers…

Computer science wasn’t a popular thing that time. I haven’t even seen any computer that time. The most common choices for ‘not-bad-at-studies’ students were, Medicine, Engineering, CA/CPA, and Law

So, after tenth, I decided to build my career as a doctor. That uncle said he has got some plans and hence to proceed with my wish. I too was happy. But I did not get the marks I expected for the final exam conducted by that Board. There was this option for going for a re-valuation. But many people discouraged me and told me that I might lose an academic year and hence continue with my studies and study better next time. But I was very much sure that I did not get the marks I deserved. Usually it was me who used to score better marks than my sister, from first grade till 10th grade final exam, but this time, she got better scores!! (one reason could be my bad handwriting)

But I had enough marks to get which course I wanted. So I did not try in many colleges, just put an application in a college where I wanted to study and waited. Yes, finally I was called and thus happily joined for science. In this course, apart from languages, I need to study, Physics, chemistry, Botany and Zoology (which was then called as the II group). But if anyone wants to try engineering as a career, he needs to take the I group where they study Math instead of our biology.

And we, the II group students had the option to study Math as additional subject (study privately and give the exam), since it does not have any labs. So that they can appear for both medicine and engineering entrance exams. Most of my classmates took Math, not me.

I was too much into college politics that time. And till 10th grade, I studied in Malayalam medium, which was my mother tongue and local language. Here from 11th grade, we need to study everything in English. I did not get a shock to see the big text books printed in English coz of two reasons. One, I liked English and two, I have seen these text books three years ago when my sister studied.

Physics was one of my favorite subjects. But I managed to fail in the first test given by my college (hehehe). I bunked classes and attended political meetings. I got involved into college strikes and protests. I did not attend any classes if the professors did not take attendance. And in many cases, I attended counting the attendance so that I will get a minimum. But I hardly attended any English class (English is one of the subjects where most of the failed ones fail since there is drastic difference between the 10th and 11th grade syllabus). But science teachers came out with a rule that if we don’t attend the theory classes, we won’t be allowed in the labs. So, I attended most of the science classes, usually were boring and useless. This happened that way coz, all these lecturers and professors used to give private tuitions at home and they preferred that than teaching at this government college.

But I started working on my physics (physics syllabus also wasn’t continuation of 10th grade but was tough). And I decided to come out with a first class here too.

My family was going through a financial crisis that time. So, there weren’t any money available for Entrance coaching classes (after 12th we need to take an entrance exam to get admission in medical colleges. And most of the students who really wish to pursue their medical studies started attending the entrance exam coaching classes from the start of 11th grade). That wasn’t a big issue since that uncle was there. I was sure that he might help me when I move to 12th grade or when I clear the exam.

Bad luck. That uncle died all of a sudden. (One night he came back , took his shower, and had dinner did his prayers and sat on a chair. And then he did now wake up).

But there goes my medical dream!!!

He had told me his plan. He will help me in the start. Then he will look for a girl from a rich family and then ‘fix’ my marriage with that rich man’s girl (who must be a dump I think…hehehe) in such a way that they will sponsor my studies and once I am of age, I should marry that girl. WOW ! what a brain!. I wasn’t interested in this, but I was sure that he will help me out, someway.

Now I lost all my hope. I did not put any extra effort. I cleared 12th grade and I had enough marks to take the Entrance exam. But that time, our family’s financial condition was such that at the end or the month, there weren’t even a 10 bucks currency in my dad’s wallet. And to add a colorful feather to the hat, I developed some strange eye allergy. Eyes became red and I felt like there is sand inside it. It itched and became watery. Two or three eye docs failed to cure it and it even affected my studies. (Finally, a retired professor doc cured it)

I was very disappointed. De-motivated. Frustrated. I could take the entrance exam next year also, if I wanted. Or even after three years, after finishing my graduation in science (taking either physics, chemistry, botany or zoology as main).

Since I did not see much things happening, I decided to quit science itself. Studying commerce/accounting was the next option to get a job as an accountant etc. And thus for graduation I took commerce as my subject with Accountancy as main. I studied it privately without joining any college. Means, Enroll for the course, just study in whatever way I want, pay the exam fee and take the university exam with other college students.

But I kept on reading science. I took science magazines and books from library. And whenever I visited hospitals (to see somebody), I used to sigh and I got a sort of feeling.

I was not at all interested in these commerce ‘stuffs’. Accountancy looked ‘stupid’ at the start. And the main problem I faced here is, the degree level was the continuation of those commerce and accountancy of the 11th and 12th grade and I never had any idea about what even debit and credit was.

Then I went for tuition for the very basic things and that tutor was hopeless. Since that guy was known to me, I attended the classes as some obligation and I paid fee. (Yes, one need learn to say NO when it is needed). This went for some months and then I stopped his ‘accounting basic’ class, by just stop going. He might have waited for me for many days.

Failed in accountancy in the first year! I wasn’t used to failures. Disappointment again, then regrets for taking this stream for my graduation.

I started giving tuitions for school children to earn my own pocket money. Another reason was, my dad bought me a moped (small scooter like thing) and I put forward a condition that he doesn’t have to give me money for the fuel. (That time, my parents retired from jobs and thus we had enough money (since they were in government service, they had gratuity, provident fund, pension etc).

But the worst thing was politics and social work. It was like a fulltime work. Most of the time I was out doing this and that and I hardly studied anything. Rest of the time I laid up with migraine.

Then during second year, my dad passed away. Thus my responsibility-being the only male member of the family- increased. But his death created some unwanted issues. The death certificate came with wrong spelling. Then it became a mess. Then to get the insurance money, it was another fight. Thus solving those things became my main job during second year. And it took months. But I cleared the exams. During some of the exams, I was suffering from migraine.

During my graduation years, lots of BIG political and social event happened where I was involved. It really took a toll on my studies.

Finally, the final exam came. And I wasn’t prepared at all. I thought I will give the exams next year.

But the problem with me is I like writing exams and writing an exam would give us some practical experience. So I took all the exams and waited for a ‘fail’.

Unfortunately I cleared all the exams, but with indecent marks!!! (Except for accountancy where I got a first class). That was one of the moments in my life- may be the only one- where a success gave me disappointment. So, I thought I will make up all these things when I do my Post Graduation.

Did I? That’s another story…..

If any youngster is reading this, my advice is not to follow my path. Have a dream and work for it. Don’t worry, it will come true…..I will pray for you!!

Love and Sixth Sense !

Love is a positive emotion. But the strange thing with love is it makes you weak!! Don’t take it literally but think it over….It can cause longing and longing can cause sort of pain. And this pain is something different! Sometimes at least for some people, it’s a pleasant and sweet pain.

Anyway, having a loving environment in your house generates a positive energy in your house. If you visit a house where most of the time it is quarrel what is happening, you get a negative ‘feel’….. a sort of unhappy feeling…some discomfort…... So, if the humans who live there can’t generate the emotion ‘love’ towards each other, or when somebody step into his or her own house and then loses that emotion (thinking, “don’t know what cud be the menu for today’s fight”!!!), what can be done?

There come pets. We can have pets and love them. Thus we can bring the emotion love into our home.

True love creates an emotional attachment. Sometimes one can even feel the loved one… read their mind….. This not only applies to humans but with pets also. I would share an incident.

One of my cousins had a cat as pet. She was a spinster till she died. She really loved that cat and vice versa. I have personally seen some dramatic scenes. One day the cat comes from outside, she spreads her hands and the cat jumps into her hands. Then she asks “where did you go? What happened?” …etc and cat answers her with a “ Meaow”….

One major difference between a cat and a dog is, a cat connects itself to the house and its environment and not to the humans living there. So, if you ask a cat to follow you, outside the house, it hardly follows. I am not talking about cats that live in closed environments like apartments. We used to live in independent houses where we had land and the cat goes outside as and when it wants to go. It was always free.

Cousin had to shift the house. So, when they actually locked up the house the cat was out and they could not find him (was a boy).

My cousin became very sad (she was living with her brother’s family and when brother moved, there weren’t any choice and other family members weren’t ready to wait for the cat to come!!!). The new place was about 4 kilometers (abt 2.5 miles) away from her old place, and they started living there. My cousin missed this cat very badly and it even affected her health and she started losing her weight.

Weeks later, one day she heard a “Meaow’ and there comes her cat……it traveled all this distance to find his master…no need to say how happy she became! And then she recovered even without medicine!!!

(I asked the cat “ Man, how did you do this? Then the cat answered “ Psssssst, its sixth sense..”, with a wink!)

OMG !

The other day I happened to hear a movie dialog :

“ …this is not the right time for a fight, you pray to Gods …..”

So, how many Gods are there in this universe?

Number-wise I don’t know, but there are two types of Gods.

First – Who is the reason for all these creation, omnipotent and omnipresent. Without this force knowing not even a microbe moves. Whose presence is there everywhere and in everything. Humans are also created by this force. Very loving….. Not at all popular.

Second – Man made. They are present in places of worship. They have particular religion which again created by man. They are partial to their followers. Followers can enjoy heaven and others will be cursed and sent to hell. Cause for many fights, riots and terror ………….. VERY POPULAR!

Booooooo....I possess !!!

If somebody is possessive about friends, what should he (or she ...I am using 'he' for convenience) do? If you had a bad experience with a friendship, what do you do? Have more friends or run away from further friendships?

Where do I stand? Am I the right person to assess myself?

Well, looking at oneself is always good, which many of us don’t do. If we don’t know what we are, then things will get more complicated.

I am not a typical possessive person who can’t be reasoned, who hesitates to share and very jealous. I did not face any such problem when I was a child or a teenager (it starts at childhood and troubles more at teenage). I also understand that it is not completely up to me to decide whether I am possessive or not.

But in friendship, in my life, some friends became closer to me. Means, I considered them closer to me (not the other way). It doesn’t mean that they did not like me and I was after them. For them, may be it’s just a friendship and for me I liked them a little more.

In such friendships, when a “quarrel like” thing happens or a breakage happens, a person like me gets more hurt (if a friendship is not built on trust, there are more possibilities for such situations).

So based on that experience, my opinion is, it is always better to have more friends. When one fully depends on a particular friend to meet all his needs, he is in trouble. It is always better to discuss many topics with different friends than talking everything with a particular friend (if both are in sync, there is nothing wrong in doing so, but here the issue is a 40-60 or 30-70 or 20-80 friendship).

The advantage of having many friends is that different persons might have different likes (and dislikes) so we can share many things with many friends. If one of them leaves you (due to work, marriage etc) you won’t get completely drained.

So if somebody had some issues with one friend and got really hurt, that doesn’t mean that he/she should avoid making new friends. It doesn’t mean that he should avoid people. And in many cases, friendship just happens.

Just because all humans are nature’s product, are we all same? (not talking at spiritual or theological level). No is my answer. Many of us might have an experience of feeling uncomfortable when we see some people, when some people stand with us in the lift (especially when our aura’s overlap)……people are different and some people are not much emotionally attached with their friends, its their birth nature. In the same way we feel some people as special. Some people fall in love at first sight……. Since friends are also humans (here in this context), this applies in friendships also; for some, some people are not just another human.

When I was hospitalized long ago, mostly it was my friends who stayed with me and not my relatives. I sat as a by-stander for one of my cousins whenever he underwent his eye operation (many times) why because we were more friends than relatives.

There is one writer, Anais Nin, who talked about friends in a beautiful way:

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”

Another Pain

Today was another day which reminded me that life is unpredictable.

Yesterday I thought I will start from where I left. But today I was occupied with some unexpected things. But I am not disappointed. It was a good day today, though it did not went as I planned. It was a pleasant day. A day becomes pleasant when somebody close to you sits with you and ask ‘ ok what you want me to tell’….and may be that’s why our grannies used to ask the kids ‘ ok, which story you want to hear today?’... …..but I haven’t even seen my grannies.

Months ago, one of my friends came to me with a ‘relationship’ issue and asked some advice. She wasn’t looking for someone to listen to her. She asked for some suggestion and it looked like she was under emotional pain which only heart can understand. Today I saw her opening her heart. And it was like writing with her blood that coming from the heart! Today she proved that she doesn’t need my advice.

She said so many things which I wanted to tell. So if I say similar things, I personally won’t feel comfortable.

Its Not Fair !

You asked me to lose my hair
So I can save money on shampoo
I lost hair, and you called me bald man
Now look, it’s not-it's not fair

You asked me to get older
So I will become wiser
I grew older, and you called me old man
Now look, it’s not-it's not fair

Back to Normal !

It looks like things are back to normal again. Does normal means back to insanity? Most of the times, it is better to be in the insane world where things are sane than in the sane world where things look insane.

I spent some time with a Pinoy friend of mine discussing about the political things in that country and that person even doesn’t care about it... not coz of ignorance but coz of lack of faith in the system. Sort of similar reaction from a U.S friend.

At one side of the world, monks got killed by police (Myanmar) and another side (Philippines) police got killed by terrorists!. Pakistani Cricket Captain thanked Muslims around the world for supporting them and the Pakistani Christians who actually supported Pakistan team, got hurt! Many sports persons asked this question whether they were playing for a religion or a country. And it is said that the Captain had to explain things again……

So, things were normal this week. So I thought I will accept one more friend from another country. But my wife told me sarcastically

“Please, don’t add any more friends; you can’t handle not even one”

Is that true? I don’t think so. It is not the friendship that is tough to handle but (may be) the emotions. Our emotions towards all our friends are not the same, always. That is the normality.

When I looked back to my childhood, I realized that I never had a friend to whom I talked everything. I had many friends but with each one I had a set of topics to share and there were common things we talked out commonly.

If I had the experience of handling more than one friend why can’t I handle a single friend? What does it mean? Was that a joke? What is the most common ‘trouble’ with friendships? What are the things we need to keep in mind in a friendship? Is friendship something we need to take initiative and make, or does it just happens? How can we avoid disappointments? How can we avoid getting hurt?

Lots and lots of things came into my mind….

But sorry am going to take a break……

Tuesday With Jay

One of my friends asked me why I am not writing anything in my blog these days….

Then again another one comes with the same question. Third one asked 'you have any update?'

The answer is - Well, I wasnt in a good mood.....Somebody close to me wasnt feeling well.

I thank every one of you for reading my blog….

Yesterday was a ‘blessed’ day…I recovered from that moodless state and started proceeding towards my mood with boosted enthusiasm, but at the end …………another sleepless night and got thrown away to another flavor of moodlessness. If the previous one gave anxiety and helplessness, the second one gave pain…..

My wife came back from office in a bad mood and I was sitting in a worse mood. She stared at me and asked ‘ again?” ….

I just sighed

But a blessing came in the form of a cricket match. India won the ICC Twenty20 World Cup that too defeating Pakistan. I was able to witness that moment.

But at night spiders came in my dream…. I woke up with sudden shock and a pumping headache…icing on the cake

(Look spiders, there are lots of people who loves you, why don’t you enter into there dream and bless their night?)

I woke up (with slight headache) but the day did not start as usual….I thought day might start as usual if I wait, but did not; it became worse…

Went to gym for a relief and change …cud not do much….but I did not give up…there weren’t anybody to say ‘ yes, come on’ and gimme a pat …so I said that and gave a pat to myself. ..

Back home….Took my laptop and checked mails and the first mail read:

"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things.
The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others……"

– Extracts from Tuesdays with Morrie

I read it aloud and told my wife “ This is one of < >’s favorite books”

She did not listen a thing but said “look, you are possessive and …….”

I did not have any answer….

Then I thought about my friends. And there came the memory of this friend….

I met him when I was doing my first year graduation. I was doing a house to house contact program in connection with some social event. There he stands outside his house, smiling…he was wearing very thick eye glasses. He was heavily built….he wasn’t tall…though young he had a big belly….had lots of hair in his hand and chest but less hair on his head…he was a small time wrestler and rowdy during his school days..

One day he joined us and became part of our political and social organization. He was very friendly, he can mingle with any kind or person, always ready to smile and help…..he cracked jokes, he teased others…and I liked him

We became sort of friends but he had lots of other friends…..I started visiting his house and he used to visit mine…he became a family friend of mine…..we all liked him, me, my mother, sister……

Though he teased others a lot, I observed he can not tolerate somebody teasing him….

Our friendship was something different….he had two sets of friends and one with whom he used to drink and then this on the other side, a group, where I belonged, which contained young men who did not drink or smoke ( at least that time) .…I understood that his mother and father did not like the other set of friends…

His mom used to make tea for me (she sometimes used to tell her son ‘look at him and learn’ refereeing to me) ……and he used to tease me in this way ‘mom, if any tea is left, don’t worry, jay is here’….those days, I used to drink lots of tea….his uncle was the Vice President of Unilever and thus they always had a good stock of first quality tea…..his dad was a Botany Professor, who also loved plants and mom a house wife…well reputed family….all his relatives were in high positions…..he had a great name in his locality and had he stood for the elections, he would have bagged all the votes from his area…

But his parents were not satisfied with this lazy, obese boy who wasn’t good at studies who never showed any interest in taking up a job or they never had any idea what he is upto.

Days passed and this funny fear about him developed in me….I used to stay at home bare-chested sometimes. One day this guy came and said ‘wow what biceps’ ...I fell ill after a couple of days….then another day, for fun, I clutched my hands around his hip and lifted him up who then weighed 90 Kgs (198 pound)…”you are strong”…..I fell ill again…. since I wasn’t superstitious I did not bother but this happened many times and this was too much of a co-incidence!!!!

The most memorable moment about him was when my dad died. He was with me when my dad died. I still remember that hug…he holding my hand…and me telling him that I want a glass of water…..dad’s death created some technical issues at the hospital and referred for post-mortem and we had to wait till next day to get the body…..he stayed with me the whole night, without sleeping (much), though he wasn’t feeling well…

He arranged a job for me and he himself messed it up!!!…..then I took up a job and our ways got separated, I was mostly at office and with my colleagues and him with some others. But I used to visit him whenever I got a chance….

I left that city after marriage, we happened to be in this city only once….heard that he got his share of property from his parents and thus got lot of money with him….drinking became his habit….

Some years passed one day I got a call from my native place (don’t remember whether it was my sister or one of my cousins) and said “that friend of yours committed suicide”….

I don’t know why, but today I missed him too.

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Sleepless nights gives you lots of thoughts……same if you have a headache... funny are the ways our mind work....

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If one is in search of God, one is going away from Him……But if you don’t search for Him, you will not find Him !!!!

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Today I remembered this story

Two monks were traveling on a rainy day. They reached a river. There they saw a beautiful girl who was struggling to cross the river. Seeing this, one of the monks carried her over to the other side. The girl thanked him and gone.

But the other monk did not talk to him at all till they reached their monastery. Then he asked

“Why did you do that? We monks are not supposed to touch women “

“But I left her there itself” answered the other monk!!!

****

Good Night Jay !!

I Miss You

The oceans between us
The miles between us
The rain between us
The Strom between us
Can not take the you from me

I will reach again
Though you leap away
You are my hope
You are my prayer
You are my peace

You filled zest
To my slothful days
In my breath, in my dreams
In my days, in my nights
All the time I miss you a lot

Rama/Adam 's Bridge

The other day, our (pseudo) secular Central Government filed an affidavit to the Supreme Court of India saying there is no proof that Rama existed. This became an issue (not the affidavit, but the project) since they have a project called ‘Sethusamudram’ which might damage the existing Rama’s Bridge . Government says, it is not manmade and hence it could not have been made by Rama, the legendary epic character who was an incarnation of the Supreme, as per the Hindu belief.

I have spoken to many people from many part of the world and in my personal experience, all of them were proud of their culture. I remember a person from China verbally attacking me when I was just kidding about they eating insects. That person told me it is part of their complex culture which I don’t understand. Though I apologized and said, I was just joking and no offence meant, it all vent in vain.

But this is not the case with India, world’s largest democratic nation. Though the country was divided into two based on religion in 1947, Indian politicians are ashamed of admitting it. India stands as a Secular nation. They were always pseudo secular showing more concern to protect the rights of the minority. But when elections come, thy consider religion, caste, creed and what not.. Politicians thought more religion than so called religious leaders.

In most of the case, these leaders where ashamed to admit that they are Hindus (if that is the case). The left always was against Hinduism. But leaders from other religion proudly said they belong to their religion. This is what is happening to a culture rich nation and there is no wonder the government took such a stand. This will also help other religious groups who want to spread their faith.

When did Rama live? He is supposed to be lived about 8,69,000 to 21,65,000 years back. What was the bridge building technology used by the then people? Dose the government has got any idea? Nope…..how will it look if something is kept under sea water this many years? No idea….

What does Ramayana says about this bridge? It says they made it using stones, there is no mention of they using cement or any other artificial/man made stuff. And as per Ramanaya, where did Rama build that bridge? From Rameswaram (India) to Sri Lanka. And is there anything like that exists now? It does. Then why is it not popularized? Coz that will provide the Hindu religion more historical roots and the whole world don’t want that to happen, especially the top nations.

Adam's Bridge a pic by NASA (courtesy NASA)

Another pic from NASA (courtesy NASA)

So, when NASA found out that there exists such a structure which is mentioned in Ramayana, which was written thousands of years ago, they named it as ‘Adam’s Bridge’. Well, why after Adam? Does it mean that Adam lived in India? Did he travel to Sri Lanka using this bridge? Did he make this bridge? So what is the idea behind naming a Bridge like structure which has a lot to do with Hindu mythology as Adam’s bridge? Well well well…… Ask NASA …..

Areal view of Rama's Bridge (courtesy Wikimedia Commons)

Too much religion is too dangerous. Long ago somebody compared religion with salt. You are eating some food and you think about salt, when? Either salt is less or it is more. If it is in correct proportion, you won’t think particularly about the salt but just enjoy the food.

Religion should be like salt, too much of it or too less of it is a problem. And a classic example is Bin Laden asking America to embrace Islam (or face the consequences!)

Six and Seven

There weren’t much memorable things that happened in the next couple of years or so. I passed 5the grade with first class. Moved on to a new division (previously was in A division) which I don’t remember, for 6th grade. Opposite to my class room was a big tamarind tree. I got some new friends here. But none of them were specially close to me since they had their own set of friends. So, my 5th grade friend remained with me as a close friend. Till that time, among my friends, I was the most studious and hence there weren’t any competition from them.

Most of our teachers came in bicycles. Many high school teachers had scooter. I did not see anybody coming in car.

For seventh grade I was put into C division. Got acquainted with some more kids and my friends remained same, (those who belonged to my original ‘I’ division). But I met one of my old buddies in this class. He was there with me during my second grade. And among the acquainted ones, one became a little more friendly than the rest of the C division kids (we moved on to different class and then met again at college and he finally became a Dentist)

One thing I remember about this seventh grade is a flood.

There was a kind of slum area half a kilo meter away from our school and that got affected during flood. Hence government used our school to temporarily accommodate them. It was like a camp. Thus we got lots of holidays :). But when we were back to school, on the first day, we were asked to wash and clean our class :(

I went to a tuition center that year. And there I met another old buddy. He wasn’t in my class but we studied in the same school when we were in second grade. He became a friend of mine. When I remember him, the first thing that comes in my mind is the smell of fish. He used to take fish daily and most of the time smelled too. His nick name was ‘monkey’

There was some pressure at the end of the exam since we were moving to high school next year. But I did not take any of these pressures seriously, either from school or from the tuition center. Parents did not bother about my studies.

There was a club and community hall half a kilometer from our house and even today, it is there. Opposite to my house lived a politician who then was the member of the legislative assembly. He also was leftist a trade union leader.

On the way to my school lived two (or three?) ministers. That means, it is the official residence of ministers. Then the city police commissioner’s office. Police training college also was very near. Then this building called ‘Residency’, with vast compound. This is called so because, when the British were ruling this place, their resident representative, a British citizen, lived here. We used to wander inside this place and throw stones at the mango trees (to get mangoes). And for some kids, this served as a safe place to hide when they bunk class.

There were ice stick venders outside the gate of our school. Though teachers ask the students to not to buy them, we always bought them. They came in different colors and flavors. The most popular type had sort of ‘pasta’ in it. These weren’t of high quality and I hardly think that they were made at hygienic conditions. But still we bought them very frequently, some even daily. There was a small shop near our school’s front entrance where we get nice jaggery-coconut candies. They were very tasty.

Another ‘establishment’ one can never forget is a small restaurant opposite to the back entrance of our school. We students used to have our lunch from there if we could not bring lunch box. None of us ordered a regular meal, though we were there to have lunch, but its most popular ‘item’ was ‘dosa’ which weren’t like home-made ones. It looked like pan cake and tasted differently. The curry supplied along with it was ‘sambar’. Then in a tray comes snacks like ‘vada’, ‘modakam’ etc…my favorite was ‘modakam’. Most of us preferred having food from this restaurant than brining from home. But what if the parents think the other way? Huh !


Dosa in that restaurant looked like this


Sambar



Dosa


Vada made of black gram



Vada made of bengal gram

We mostly played ‘konnikkali’ a ‘limping-game’ where we draw a court and using one leg to jump/leap, we need to touch the others inside the court. If that person accidentally touches his other leg on the ground, he is out. And next member from his team continues the game. Otherwise we played cricket. There weren’t any cricket ball, no bat, no stumps !!! We will make a ball using paper (or sometimes used rubber ball), use some flat piece of wood as bat and some sticks or our school trunk as wicket. Sometimes we play even hide and seek or ‘seven tiles’

I wasn’t doing great at studies, I never aggregated above 80%, but since there weren’t much competition, I always stood within the top 10 of our class, where we had about 40 students (then moved on to top 3)….I wasn’t self motivated. There weren’t any encouragement from either the teachers or parents, so I did not participate in any of the other-than-study competitions, though I could have achieved something.

At home, only change that happened was, the house owner’s wife gave birth to a baby boy (later on, one more……I met them recently, I could not identify them, one of them became a CA – like CPA)….cat died and new cat came. Then some minor quarrels between my mother and the house owner’s wife. Once I even heard about my dad’s plan to leave us and live alone, which I think was just a bluff to threaten his wife.

But again, as the four members sit together as a family, without any doubt, it wasn’t a happy family.

I entered into puberty……

I developed the habit of writing diary/journal.

Once again I passed the final exam with first class. Now time to move on to high school.

I Mean

What do I mean? I mean what does my name mean? One Penoy friend asked me this. Yes, Indian names has got some meaning.

Jaya or Jai can be translated as ‘hail’ or even ‘praise’
Ram (or Rama )- though it can be further split (in Sanskrit), one of its meaning is – the Supreme or for convenience we can call it as Lord

So, my name means – Praise the Lord!

And somebody asked me what you mean by mantra…..

Mantra is a sacred word. These were ‘heard’ or felt by ancient Rishis/ seers when they were in deep meditation. ‘OM’ is considered as the ‘mantra of mantras’ or the ‘Pranava’ Mantra or the primal sound…..it even symbolizes the entire universe….

Confused? From your name (who asked me), it looks like you are a Christian. So, look at this

“ In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God”

- John 1:1

Just relax and think over and over and over again about that Word

We Still Have Hope

Of late I developed a habit of avoiding political news, sometimes we can’t help. But how one can ignore some of the achievements by Indian politicians, recently?

One nuclear deal in desk, if we sign, no more nuclear tests can be conducted by India, and the US will help our further nuclear programmes carried out by our (already underpaid) scientists. If we don’t sign, face the consequences!(It is said that long ago, we got a US ‘help’ during the India-China war which helped China win the war!!!)

Strict action against immoral traffic and (poor) sex workers!!! If a man and woman get caught together, they can end up in jail for six months and pay hefty fine!! And who came out with this idea? The Indian politicians who keeps very high moral values !!!!

Some went a step further and banned condom with extra features since the purpose of the condom is just to prevent pregnancy (and may be STDs)!!!

A gangster got arrested who has only 38 cases registered in his name that includes many murder and rape (yes, now he is qualified to enter into politics). He enters a building to show the police where he hid a revolver. What happens then? He takes the revolver and fires at the inspector (who cleverly escaped, wow) who was with him and hence the other policemen fired at him and killed him on the spot , WOW!! To save who’s a**?

Intel decided to back out from their plan to have one Chip factory in India. Why? Politicians are busy solving issues and they did not get any time to frame a policy and give the approval…

We had a genius/humble/loving human as our President and our patriotic politicians did not give him another term!!!! May be he don’t have a criminal record and his educational qualifications are not in par with the Industry!!!!

Kudos to Indian politicians!

(At least we still have hope since our judiciary is very transparent. In a rape and murder case, where a man raped a kid (I think she was only 6 years old) and the kid died, the court ruled that it is not the rape that killed the girl but the bleeding (due to rupture))

In Search

The Q = I is 5cm away from P; how far is P from I?

He was in search, in search to find the answer
He went this way, he went that way
Ways leading him out, out from where he was

He asked X, he asked Y he asked even Z
All said its 5cm and gave him sort of look
He was in search, in search to find the answer

Then he saw this path, which did not look nice
A Path that did not lead him out and
He did not know where it goes

He asked the Q, in the hollow path
‘It can be miles, if I and P are humans’
“Should I cry? Or Should I smile?”

He is in search, in search to find his answer.

Psssst..Its a Secret..

As per Indian belief, there are five major secrets around us. I am not talking about the people around us who keep lots of secrets from us. Such people and secrets are in abundant in this world.

Mantrarahasya (Secret of the Mantras) – How does a mantra work? Mantras said to generate a particular vibration (depends on the mantra you chant). But that is not just the thing and it is a secret

Jananarahasya (Secret of birth) – We don’t know why we were born. Nor do we know the entire process behind it. That too as humans. There are so many other whys in the queue (why in this country? Why at this particular place? Etc etc)….so why it is so? It’s a secret

Maranarahasya (Secret of death) – Though this is the ultimate truth, that we will die one day, we don’t have the truth behind it. When? Where? At what time? How? why? And from there where will we go? ….its a ……

Prakritirahasya (Secret of the Nature) – Without any doubt, many of us might have exclaimed at some nature related things ‘ wow, how does it happen?’ …The other day there came a hurricane (Dean) and it affected Jamaica and Mexico. Though its ‘power’ faded a little, it then gained before reaching Mexico (scientists might have some ‘theory’ , thanks)….but why it came to that place? You can ask a hundred beautiful ‘why’s if you are open to nature…..but it is a………..

Rajarahasya (Secret of ruling) – The creation of this universe and its ruling. It’s a big secret

Since all these are secrets, how can I reveal it?

The Sky Is So High !

You have got a best friend?
………………….

Today I saw/heard somebody telling somebody else, ‘you are the only friend I have got’….. that person stressed the word ‘friend’….Later, I asked the other person ‘ do you feel the same emotion towards that person?’ Since the person who received my question started thinking, I said, ok, I know…..(I know them both, in person)
………………….

Some might ask who is a best friend…it depends on the person who considers who his/her best friend is…

For me, a best friend is not a friend of mine who possess all the best qualities a human can possess but a person, from a group of friends, with whom I am most comfortable with…who I can easily get along with ….somebody gives a ‘feeling good’ ….

It may not always be a permanent relationship. It can change.. During childhood we might have a best friend and when we grow up, we might get separated due to various situations in our life….like continuing higher education at different places and then taking up jobs at different countries etc etc

When does that relationship becomes so beautiful? When both consider the other person as their best friend…but do it happen always? Nope. Sometimes it happens and in most of the cases it does not happen. But it does not matter here, for me, as my thought for today is in a different direction.

This is not an exclusive thing that happens when being (only) with your best friend….(then? …) But that is one of such beautiful moments and it has a lot to do with your present and even your future…..these moments has got a long lasting effect.

Don’t feel like agreeing with me?

If friendship moments gives you a ‘feeling good’, well, that moment is worth in your life. At present, I am not telling why it is so. You don’t have any reason to believe me; also, you don’t have any reason to disbelieve me.

Why?

Because the sky is so high!!!!