Relationships

What was the major topic I got involved in the past one/two weeks? Its Relationships. And I was mainly listening to or discussing with people form other countries, where ‘Relationships’ exists, rather than Indians. In India, such things only got sprouted.

But why people come to me with such things? I don’t know, I personally don’t have a treasure of experience in connection with it.

May be it is coz, I am ready to spent some time for them, may be coz, I listen to them, may be coz, I care for them…but in reality, I am not good at handling a ‘erupted’ person. The other day, when one of my friends called me and started crying, I didn’t know what to do for some time….then I tried to console, but I think I am not that good with ‘words’ in such emotional situations.

But this week forced me to think about Relationships… Why so many problems in connection with it? Why it fails? What makes it a success? And in fact what exactly one mean by that word……

To be frank, I don’t know what really people mean by ‘entering into a relationship’, at least while writing this line. I personally know only one person (Indian) who tried the person before marrying.

I can only guess, try to understand from a human point of view and I don’t think it’s a big deal, coz, entering into a relationship has nothing to do with brains…coz, people from all walks of life already entered into it, going to enter and will enter, some with high hopes, and for some, it just happens…

I did not ask them ‘what is a relationship’ when somebody wanted my time. One thing is, that will worsen the situation and/or the next thing, I can expect ‘why do you want to know?’, ‘why did you ask?’ or some other flavor of why, though they don’t like getting why’ed.

So, its like ‘trying’ somebody. Its like doing some test drives before buying a car. If you are not satisfied, try someone else. This part is very important. In a relationship, both partners are trying each other and many did not understand this. One might like the other but if the other thinks that he/she is not up to their standards, that person moves on with a new search and the other person might think, ‘oh, I ended up with a wrong guy/gal’ and also ends in pain…

Is this serious or silly? The 'person in pain’s emotion can be serious though sometimes the situation looks too silly. I am telling this because, I have seen many e-relationships happening and ending in pain. And what I have observed since last 7 years is that its mostly a guy who has so many e-relationships that ditches one of his girls……it sounds silly but when I happened to chat with one of such victims, she was really serious……..

One thing that makes a human distinct from animals is the complexity and intricacy of relationships. Animals don’t face any relationship related issues. This happens because within us there is an urge to get connected, which is a human nature. This leads to a relationship.

And , when you are into a relationship, you want it to be everlasting. (Sorry, I am yet to understand the status ‘I am in a short term relationship’, which I have seen with many pple in the west, may be it’s a temporary adjustment…I am not at all teasing the western culture, please don’t misunderstand me. I respect every culture).

Some people even look for ‘soul mate’ that too without having any idea about what a soul is. Why do some relationships break very early, when we really wanted it to last long?

We need to look at the root of it. If a relationship arises because of personal need (that includes comfort and protection, financial security, just biological need etc etc…), well, it won’t last long. When the need is achieved (at physical or emotional level), our mind starts looking for something else and somewhere else. Even one of the partners in the relationship had a personal need as base, it weakens the relationship. This looking somewhere starts creating a distance and what love can not tolerate is distance.

Every relationship has the elements of love and lust (not just that, but it also has). And when you are in love, you are somewhat blind and what you express through words has only something to do with the actual meaning. A man might call his girl ‘honey, sweet heart, etc’…..he hardly mean that the girl is so sweet to him. So, don’t count much about those ‘beautiful/emotional/sweet’ words somebody says when they are in love with you (in a relationship). Yes, its is very nice to hear such words. We feel really good. No doubt about it.

I am not talking about somebody who has got the blue print of the entire relationship plans/schedule with them. If you have a pre-defined long list of expectations before entering into a relationship, chances are that you will get disappointed. Because, most of the time, true relationship just happens.

The push factor is getting attracted to somebody. In most of the case, it has a lot to do with your physical appearance. For example, men will easily get attracted to a girl with beautiful eyes….and in most of the love at first sight cases, ‘eyes’ play a crucial role. By saying that, I exclude singers, artists, famous people, celebrities etc.

Now the first part is over; got attracted. Then blossoms the love constituent. And in some people there develops a feeling of got ‘connected’ to the other person. And if both feel so, they are lucky. Then there comes a sharing mentality (lucky again). And if both partners have an emotion ‘what I can do for the other’, then the relationship succeeds. If the base is caring and sharing, it succeeds… But if they simply try to please each other, well….we need to wait and see

If one just takes advantage of the other, it fails. If one just uses the other, it fails….If one of them is not truthful, then it fails…when we expect too much from our partner, it fails….if it is the same person who is at the receiving end, always, which is mainly coz one of them not willing to change or adjust to the new setup, it fails…in some cases, it can fail even if you snore! (just kidding)

For a true and successful relationship, understanding it in a spiritual level helps a lot (both the partners). But is it worth talking about the spiritual aspects of relationships? Is it possible to practice it?

Well, I think it is very easy to preach but a little hard to practice. Understanding your partner at a spiritual level is not that easy. And it is the next to impossible thing for a ‘material girl’/man. Understanding your partner at a spiritual level is not just going to a place of worship together or attending a religious talk. Sometimes, it has nothing to do with that.

And how to handle the pain, if a relationship fails? How to rehabilitate? Some people say ‘Let go’. If so, how to let go? Me asking these questions doesn’t mean that I have the answers for it. But I wish to look into those areas too. May be later…..