Encouragement

I was not used to any encouragement or appreciation. If I go years and years back, I don’t have any incident that is coming into my mind where I got appreciated or encouraged. Not from my parents or relatives, none from my teachers, nor anything from my friends. I was telling this to my wife and she asked:

“Didn’t I do anything? What about those assignments?”

Yes, when I think about encouragements, I can not forget that. It happened about three or four years ago when I was preparing for the first semester (Masters in Computer Applications). Me gave up hope and thought that I could not write all those assignments and submit on time, and then my wife said:

“Yes you can”

I still don’t know whether she was telling that based on her writing speed (I am slow and she is fast so the gap widens) or it was encouragement. She even sat with me and made sure that I finished it. I submitted my assignments on the last day at the last hour. But I submitted.

As I said, it happened three years ago or so. That means when I was about 37. What will happen to a person who spent his 37 years without getting any encouragement? In my case, not only that I did not get any encouragement, at many stages of life, it was discouragements that I received from relatives and even from friends.

I had great respect for one of my acquaintances. But unfortunately it was he who stood against me taking some Para-medical course which had lots of scope abroad that time. What about his personal life? He took his doctorate and became a ‘Dr.’ . Was he academically well ahead of me? It wasn’t so. But there was one noticeable difference between me and him – he was rich and I wasn’t…

When I wrote this, one anecdote that comes into my mind is me going to attend an interview. Coz of my honesty, I told my then boss that I am going to attend a job interview in a better company and requested for a leave. His first and straight away response was this:

“They might have already selected somebody…so I don’t think you will get it….any way you go”
……
“I am going to learn swimming”
“Don’t get drowned”
“I am going for a long trip by car”
“Mind the accidents”
“I got wet”
“Hope you won’t fall ill”
“I wish to learn C language, which book you suggest?”
“It is not easy.”
“Can we try that giant wheel?”
“No, I think you will vomit”

I was waiting for my turn at the Karate tournament. A friend came with me and I requested him to stay there till my fight is over since I was not sure in which condition I would become after fight. He looked around at the other guys and said:

"... look at that person's fist...and he is brown belt. what if you have to fight with him in the first round itself?. so you better quit right away.."

(as he said I had to fight with him...and that too my first fight. I looked at my friend, and he had a broad smile on his face with a ' I told you' expression. Then I looked at my opponent who was staring at me, and that gave me butterflies. But I tied that match with equal points and it went for extra time and it was said who takes the first point wins and thus he won, and got defeated by another guy from my dojo, in the next round. )

The story went on, on and on…

Those are not imaginary questions and its probable answers, but the real ones happened in my life. They may not be serious but look at the first response…

So, am I going to make a negative note? Nope. What I am going to tell is something different. Lately I heard some encouraging words, which were surprises for me…

I was in the swimming pool with another guy. We both were standing at one end. He kicked off and moved and when he reached half of the way (ours is a 25 meter pool, lengthwise), I started and I reached the other end first that too with a margin of one or two meters. He wasn’t competing with me, but still.

I panted and said:

“I think I can swim really fast…faster than this.”

“Yes, YOU can…Had you been into swimming at an early stage, you could have been in the national team..”

I know he is not serious about it. But it wasn’t sarcastic either (There were about 10 men in the swimming camp that I attended, that includes this person and I am the fastest among them).

That comment made me laugh…and laughing is something good and pleasant and positive, provided we are not laughing at others.

........Me standing very disappointed after losing a badminton game… A guy who plays well and smashes very well comes to me and tells:

“you are playing good”

“I don’t know ….I don’t think so….I am not convinced…. when I play (pair) with that guy…I don’t know…may be he expects more from me…”

“Look, you need to understand that, that guy was playing like this from the day I started playing here. …you are playing well considering when you started playing…. We too were like you only when we started playing…so don’t feel bad about it”

It was a big surprise for me. Words of encouragements….that made me feel good….I came home with that ‘feel good’ and I don’t know how the topic Everest came between me and my wife.

“Yes, I am ready for it” Me

“You think you can make it? Do you think it is easy?” Wife

“Look, don’t pour water into my enthusiasm. I know it is not easy. But given a chance, I am willing to give it a try and I think I can make it”

And now back to the loop….that is why or where I started talking about a man who lived 37 years with no encouragement but only discouragement…not just that…. during my childhood, I even didn’t have any good cloths to wear. That never gave a comfortable feeling when I had to attend a marriage, visiting a relative’s place etc… I remember, I had even gone to such places even without a foot wear. Were my parents poor? The irony is ‘No’…

We may not be able to encourage everyone around us, but at least let us not discourage others. If we really care for somebody, we can’t help but encourage them. Encourage someone (not just kids) and look at the smile on that person….isn’t it worth? Won’t it bring happiness even for us? At least I think so…

If any youngster, who is going through series of discouragements, is reading this, I have one thing to tell. Take a lesson from my life and don’t wait till it happen to yours. If it is full of discouragements, don’t worry too much about it and start building a belief in yourself. Believing in you helps to fight out this negativity of discouragements. And yes, prove yourself.

(A funny note: I was in the badminton court. The guy who I mentioned above (with whom I paired and lost the match) was playing. When he did a good return, I clapped. Then there comes a lady’s voice: “hey, don’t support him….”)