Dr.Jay's Successful Disappointment !

What do I wanted to become in my life? Yes, my profession…

Forget about childhood days. If there is nobody to guide and we are not exceptional, there might come so many options, as a child…

In this regard, here, in India, we need to have an idea once we clear the 10th grade. And according that one need to choose ones 11th grade then take the entrance exams for higher studies etc.

I wasn’t an outstanding student, though I came within the first 2-3-4 ranks in my class. That just happened because other students weren’t good at studies (There was class strength of 40-50 students). But I was a ‘first class’ student from first grade.

One of my uncles (my dad’s eldest brother) wished to ‘make’ his children (three) a doctor. He had enough money to support the studies. But his daughters did not study well. Since I was the one who successfully came out with first class from the start, he was interested in me. And science was my favorite subject. Sometimes I even scored a 90% in science, not always. This I achieved without exceptional brains or any support from my family, friends or teachers…

Computer science wasn’t a popular thing that time. I haven’t even seen any computer that time. The most common choices for ‘not-bad-at-studies’ students were, Medicine, Engineering, CA/CPA, and Law

So, after tenth, I decided to build my career as a doctor. That uncle said he has got some plans and hence to proceed with my wish. I too was happy. But I did not get the marks I expected for the final exam conducted by that Board. There was this option for going for a re-valuation. But many people discouraged me and told me that I might lose an academic year and hence continue with my studies and study better next time. But I was very much sure that I did not get the marks I deserved. Usually it was me who used to score better marks than my sister, from first grade till 10th grade final exam, but this time, she got better scores!! (one reason could be my bad handwriting)

But I had enough marks to get which course I wanted. So I did not try in many colleges, just put an application in a college where I wanted to study and waited. Yes, finally I was called and thus happily joined for science. In this course, apart from languages, I need to study, Physics, chemistry, Botany and Zoology (which was then called as the II group). But if anyone wants to try engineering as a career, he needs to take the I group where they study Math instead of our biology.

And we, the II group students had the option to study Math as additional subject (study privately and give the exam), since it does not have any labs. So that they can appear for both medicine and engineering entrance exams. Most of my classmates took Math, not me.

I was too much into college politics that time. And till 10th grade, I studied in Malayalam medium, which was my mother tongue and local language. Here from 11th grade, we need to study everything in English. I did not get a shock to see the big text books printed in English coz of two reasons. One, I liked English and two, I have seen these text books three years ago when my sister studied.

Physics was one of my favorite subjects. But I managed to fail in the first test given by my college (hehehe). I bunked classes and attended political meetings. I got involved into college strikes and protests. I did not attend any classes if the professors did not take attendance. And in many cases, I attended counting the attendance so that I will get a minimum. But I hardly attended any English class (English is one of the subjects where most of the failed ones fail since there is drastic difference between the 10th and 11th grade syllabus). But science teachers came out with a rule that if we don’t attend the theory classes, we won’t be allowed in the labs. So, I attended most of the science classes, usually were boring and useless. This happened that way coz, all these lecturers and professors used to give private tuitions at home and they preferred that than teaching at this government college.

But I started working on my physics (physics syllabus also wasn’t continuation of 10th grade but was tough). And I decided to come out with a first class here too.

My family was going through a financial crisis that time. So, there weren’t any money available for Entrance coaching classes (after 12th we need to take an entrance exam to get admission in medical colleges. And most of the students who really wish to pursue their medical studies started attending the entrance exam coaching classes from the start of 11th grade). That wasn’t a big issue since that uncle was there. I was sure that he might help me when I move to 12th grade or when I clear the exam.

Bad luck. That uncle died all of a sudden. (One night he came back , took his shower, and had dinner did his prayers and sat on a chair. And then he did now wake up).

But there goes my medical dream!!!

He had told me his plan. He will help me in the start. Then he will look for a girl from a rich family and then ‘fix’ my marriage with that rich man’s girl (who must be a dump I think…hehehe) in such a way that they will sponsor my studies and once I am of age, I should marry that girl. WOW ! what a brain!. I wasn’t interested in this, but I was sure that he will help me out, someway.

Now I lost all my hope. I did not put any extra effort. I cleared 12th grade and I had enough marks to take the Entrance exam. But that time, our family’s financial condition was such that at the end or the month, there weren’t even a 10 bucks currency in my dad’s wallet. And to add a colorful feather to the hat, I developed some strange eye allergy. Eyes became red and I felt like there is sand inside it. It itched and became watery. Two or three eye docs failed to cure it and it even affected my studies. (Finally, a retired professor doc cured it)

I was very disappointed. De-motivated. Frustrated. I could take the entrance exam next year also, if I wanted. Or even after three years, after finishing my graduation in science (taking either physics, chemistry, botany or zoology as main).

Since I did not see much things happening, I decided to quit science itself. Studying commerce/accounting was the next option to get a job as an accountant etc. And thus for graduation I took commerce as my subject with Accountancy as main. I studied it privately without joining any college. Means, Enroll for the course, just study in whatever way I want, pay the exam fee and take the university exam with other college students.

But I kept on reading science. I took science magazines and books from library. And whenever I visited hospitals (to see somebody), I used to sigh and I got a sort of feeling.

I was not at all interested in these commerce ‘stuffs’. Accountancy looked ‘stupid’ at the start. And the main problem I faced here is, the degree level was the continuation of those commerce and accountancy of the 11th and 12th grade and I never had any idea about what even debit and credit was.

Then I went for tuition for the very basic things and that tutor was hopeless. Since that guy was known to me, I attended the classes as some obligation and I paid fee. (Yes, one need learn to say NO when it is needed). This went for some months and then I stopped his ‘accounting basic’ class, by just stop going. He might have waited for me for many days.

Failed in accountancy in the first year! I wasn’t used to failures. Disappointment again, then regrets for taking this stream for my graduation.

I started giving tuitions for school children to earn my own pocket money. Another reason was, my dad bought me a moped (small scooter like thing) and I put forward a condition that he doesn’t have to give me money for the fuel. (That time, my parents retired from jobs and thus we had enough money (since they were in government service, they had gratuity, provident fund, pension etc).

But the worst thing was politics and social work. It was like a fulltime work. Most of the time I was out doing this and that and I hardly studied anything. Rest of the time I laid up with migraine.

Then during second year, my dad passed away. Thus my responsibility-being the only male member of the family- increased. But his death created some unwanted issues. The death certificate came with wrong spelling. Then it became a mess. Then to get the insurance money, it was another fight. Thus solving those things became my main job during second year. And it took months. But I cleared the exams. During some of the exams, I was suffering from migraine.

During my graduation years, lots of BIG political and social event happened where I was involved. It really took a toll on my studies.

Finally, the final exam came. And I wasn’t prepared at all. I thought I will give the exams next year.

But the problem with me is I like writing exams and writing an exam would give us some practical experience. So I took all the exams and waited for a ‘fail’.

Unfortunately I cleared all the exams, but with indecent marks!!! (Except for accountancy where I got a first class). That was one of the moments in my life- may be the only one- where a success gave me disappointment. So, I thought I will make up all these things when I do my Post Graduation.

Did I? That’s another story…..

If any youngster is reading this, my advice is not to follow my path. Have a dream and work for it. Don’t worry, it will come true…..I will pray for you!!